My Story


My mom and I have always been close, always had a special relationship. On September 2 I got a call that forever changed my life. My mom had collapsed at church and was being taken via ambulance to the hospital. A few hours later I got another call, this time my best friend telling me how serious things were. Within three hours my coworkers had me on a plane (at zero cost to me!) and by 6 pm that night I was at my mom's side.

After three days in the ICU it was determined that because of how long her brain had gone without oxygen, she likely wouldn't wake up. On September 5th we made the most difficult decision to let her go peacefully. It was something she had talked about so we were sure it was what she would have wanted us to do.

My wonderful mother passed peacefully on September 6 at 6:10 am. She is already missed so much.

This blog is my journey through the grieving process. Hopefully that will keep my regular daily blog a little less depressing.

On this blog I will share some of my daily grief emails and also songs, poems and pictures that touch my heart. Hopefully this will help someone, but if nothing else, it helps me.

Monday, February 23, 2015

When My Mind Says "You Failed"

I got this wonderful devotional in my email and it spoke to me. I felt the need to save it. Even though my grief is not a failure, it still applies. I even made a couple things bold because they are ones I really need to remember.

by: LYNN COWELL, Proverbs 31 Ministries

"My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises." Psalm 57:7 (NLT)

Fail. It’s a word I’ve heard my kids use when something goes wrong. Just plain "fail."

It’s a word I know as well. Failure is what I felt when I’d done all I knew to do to make a large project successful. Yet, according to my measurement, I had fallen very short. All I could think was, You failed.

I found my mind swirling, trying to process what happened. Confused, I wondered, God, why didn’t You help me? The project was for Him, after all. You would think He would have stepped up and helped me, at least in the way I was looking for help.

What did I do wrong?

Maybe I’m just not cut out for this?

My confidence was gone.

Can you recall a time when you thought you were doing what God wanted you to do, yet it didn’t turn out how you anticipated? Was your confidence shaken, not just in yourself, but in God?

Friend, you are not alone. It’s so easy to lose our confidence when things aren’t going well.

In today’s key verse, David speaks of confidence: "My heart is confident in you, O God."

Reading these words, we might assume David wrote them when his life was going well, possibly moments away from marrying the king’s daughter and living happily ever after.

His reality, in fact, was far from happy. As David penned these words, he was literally running from a mad man (King Saul) who not only wanted to kill him, but also had the power to do so. {You can read 1 Samuel, chapters 19-22, for more of this story.}

When David wrote these words found in Psalm 57:7, "My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises" – words filled with faith and hope – he was hiding in a cave. Not alone, but with 400 guys who were also running from trouble, in debt or just plain discontented with life as they knew it.

Here, in this awful situation, David reaffirmed his security hadn’t changed even if his circumstances did. His confidence was still built on God.

According to my study Bible, the word "confident" in the original Hebrew means: "set in place, make secure, to be made ready, be attached."

I love this last definition: "be attached." My mind pictures a new bride, attached to someone who cares deeply about her, with her face glowing. Her relationship brings her confidence.

David’s relationship brought him confidence as well. Despite his horrific circumstances, David experienced security and contentment because he knew God was with him even in those circumstances.

God can make us brave whether our lives are coming together or falling apart. We can have a heart and mind that is set in place, secure and attached, even when our circumstances seem to say, "You failed."

I want to be like David. Confidence attached to God. Unshaken by any situation or circumstances. Unable to hold back His praises.

Dear Jesus, the way You define failure and the way we define failure is so very different. Help me see when my circumstances are a set-up, an opportunity to build my confidence in You. Always and only in You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

TRUTH FOR TODAY:
Hebrews 10:35, "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded." (NIV)

Philippians 4:12, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (NIV)

Ephesians 3:12, "In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence." (NIV)


RELATED RESOURCES:

Do you know a young woman who needs to learn to build her confidence on God instead of cues from culture? If so, Magnetic: Becoming the Girl He Wants, by Lynn Cowell, empowers young women to move beyond negative thoughts, capricious emotions and others’ opinions to gain unshakeable confidence.

Visit Lynn’s blog today for 10 Verses For Building Unshakeable Confidence. She is also giving away a Confidence Combo — a set of resources to help you build your confidence on God.


REFLECT AND RESPOND:

Think of the last time something in your life didn’t go as planned and you felt like you’d failed. How did you respond? Were you able to press into God or did you struggle in self-defeat?

Write out Hebrews 10:35 and place it where you experience the greatest struggle with your confidence: the scale, your desk, your calendar. Read this verse out loud, allowing God’s Word to fill your heart with His confidence in this area of your life.

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