She asked him to be brave too

At first there was just:

Coughing

Congestion,

Nausea,

Numbness

 

The doctor saw

Creatinine,

Distention,

Hypertension,

Sepsis.

Thick words.

Medical words.

Foreign words.

It was worse then we’d realized.

And then, in the CCU

That last time

The glare of the cold white walls

From the long fluorescent bulb

That fell hard against her grey skin

Against the cold metal and plastic wires

The mask on her face

The steady, careful pulse of machines, monitors,

Mechanical boxes that lived for her.

That sustained whatever was left.

Her body was broken.

She was a butchered animal

With her arms limp

And her chest heaving with the push of the machine

Her eyelids shifting

Her feet trembling

Automatic responses they are called.

I wonder what was there,

Inside,

The moments before her heart stopped. I wonder if she could hear what I said

How sorry I was

Just so deeply sorry

 

Life without mom is a little like that. At first it was all pain and tears. Every day was hard. I’d wake up and the sun was there, still shining in the sky but the world didn’t make sense anymore. Then little by little, that pain faded even more. I cried only once a week instead of every day. And then I stopped crying. I moved forward.

 

I’m doing it all, mom

Even more than you could have ever imagined.

For me and

For you

Grief over Time

 

8 Ways to Emotionally Support Someone With Depression

You Are A Fierce-hearted Woman

I subscribe to some daily devotional pages on facebook and this one just spoke to me.

 

“Be strong, and let your heart be courageous, all you who put your hope in the LORD.” Psalm 31:24 (CSB)

I didn’t know loving people would be so hard.

I silently say this to God in a coffee shop on an ordinary Tuesday morning. I’m sitting at a table with a scratched wood surface and above me folk music comes through the speakers. My latte is half-cold and my mood is threatening to become lukewarm, too.

Haven’t we all been there?

I think back to another moment in a coffee shop when I was around 30 years old, wide-eyed and naïve, full of dreams. This is the age where I was both tender and ambitious. I thought I could save the world and conveniently forgot someone already had.

I’m looking 40 in the face now, and I have a few more wrinkles around my eyes. A few more scars on my heart. I also have a wound still healing from recent words that cut like a sword all the way down to the bone.

For a long time I didn’t understand that broken people have sharp edges. And if we dare to love, to make a difference, to put ourselves out there, then inevitably we will sometimes end up startled and bleeding.

I wish someone had whispered this in my ear years ago, leaned right in and said, “Oh, yes, a lifetime with Jesus is going to be a wonderful adventure. There’s going to be joy and hope and beautiful relationships. But, listen, there’s something else you need to know: You’re not going on holiday, you’re going into battle.”

I imagine I wouldn’t have liked or understood this at the time.

I probably wouldn’t even have believed it, or I might have told the person they needed to be more positive.

But later when the arrows started flying, I would have suddenly thought, “Oh, yes, I’m glad someone warned me.”

Perhaps that’s why today I’m writing all this down … to remind myself and, in case you haven’t heard yet, to gently tell you, too: We need to know we’re in a battle, because otherwise we’ll become disillusioned and discouraged.

We’ll think we must be doing something wrong or even that God has tricked us. We’ll retreat when it’s time to advance. We’ll hide when it’s time to charge. We’ll be caught off-guard instead of guarding our hearts. We’ll even misunderstand who we’re fighting. It’s not ever other humans; it’s always the darkness itself.

I recently saw the movie Wonder Woman and in one scene, she crosses a space called “No Man’s Land.” She walks with her head held high. She deflects the gunfire on behalf of others. She does what no one else has been able to so far.

As I watched, tears came to my eyes because I know what this is like, how it feels. There is beauty in the battle. There is strength. There is victory. “Be strong, and let your heart be courageous, all you who put your hope in the LORD” (Psalm 31:24).

But it’s okay if sometimes we still need to whisper to Jesus, “This is harder than I thought it would be.” If that’s you today, then know you’re not alone. Also know feeling this way isn’t failure; it’s confirmation you are a warrior, mightier than you know, stronger than you’ve yet to see.

Love is a soft word in our culture. But in the Kingdom it’s a war cry.

And so we fight on — we serve and encourage and work and pray and change diapers and change the world. Because we are women of God, and this is what we do; this is who we are. We are a beautiful, fierce-hearted force. We cannot be defeated.

Lord, You know how hard it is to live and love in this world sometimes, because You’ve been here, too. Thank You for Your compassion toward us and Your promise to bring us through whatever we may face. Through You, we have strength, grace and victory. I pray You will empower me to keep fighting today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

TRUTH FOR TODAY:

Romans 8:37-39, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (CSB)

1 Corinthians 15:57, “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!” (CSB)

RELATED RESOURCES:

If you liked this devotional you’ll love bestselling author Holley Gerth’s new book, Fierce-hearted: Live Fully, Love Bravely.

CONNECT:

You can also visit Holley’s website to join almost 40,000 subscribers by signing up for Holley’s encouraging emails.

REFLECT AND RESPOND:

What’s a battle you’re facing today? What truth does your heart need to remember? (Example: God loves me and promises me victory.)

Importance of Breathwork

Thank you Breathwork Alchemy for sharing this information 

Slow Down

  This post is from Jennifer Duke's Lee's facebook page. I found it important enough to share here: 

You know what used to annoy the daylights out of me? 

When someone would tell me I needed to slow down. I mean, it really ticked me off.

 
I wanted to tell them, "Do you have any idea what my life is like? I can't afford to slow down!"

But then I realized I couldn't afford NOT to slow down. Hurry was ruining my life, making me edgy, sick, unsatisfied, and probably not very fun to be around.

 
I didn't even know any of that, because hurry and hustle are so normalized in our culture.

But how is any of this  "normal?"

 
Working after hours shouldn't be "normal."

Checking our phones first thing in the morning shouldn't be "normal."

Missing the wonders of what God is doing all around us shouldn't be "normal."

Building mini-empires shouldn't be "normal."

A life without margin shouldn't be "normal."

Feeling dissatisfied with our progress shouldn't be "normal."

Always believing we're falling behind shouldn't be "normal."

Go Big or Go Home?? NOPE. That should NOT be normal!

Friends, it's time to normalize a different way of life.

In the midst of my wild experiment of embracing slowness, Jesus smashed my long-cherished ideas of "growth" into a million pieces.

A Growing Slow life gives you what your heart really longs for: permission to take a beat and to take a breath; grace to try again; courage to walk instead of run; and space to live in the astonishing and wild love of Christ.

Let's do this. Ready, set, SLOW.

 JDL // Save for a time when you need a reminder that you’re allowed to grow slow.

Facebook Birthday Posts from Me

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Just Be Held

Often, I find myself connecting with a song, simply for a single line. In Casting Crown's song, Just Be Held is was "You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held. Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place." But, after I read the lyrics to this song, there are so many more words that jumped out. Here is the music video and lyrics.

Just Be Held

Casting Crowns

Hold it all together

Everybody needs you strong

But life hits you out of nowhere

And barely leaves you holding on

And when you’re tired of fighting

Chained by your control

There’s freedom in surrender

Lay it down and let it go

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away

You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place

I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm

You’ll wonder if I love you still

But if your eyes are on the cross

You’ll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted

In time, you’ll understand

I’m painting beauty with the ashes

Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes

In the storm is where you’ll find Me

And where you are, Ill hold your heart

I’ll hold your heart

Come to Me, find your rest

In the arms of the God who wont let go

Mom's Morning Routine

I thought it was time to start recording some of the stories of my mom. Things she did or said that my children will want to hear. The other day, McKayla was having a rough time and I just sat there and talked to her about her grandma awhile. I told her she had the most important job, she had to be able to tell her sisters about their grandma. She would remember her most because she knew her longest.

That really got me to thinking that I need to start recording the stories I remember about my mom, so when they start asking what she was like, I can direct them to this blog.

One thing that comes to mind for me isn't so much a specific story, but it was our morning routine. When we were in school, she would wake us up around seven. While we were dressing and getting ready she would sit in the living room and drink her coffee and watch Good Morning America. I remember watching back when Joan Lundon and Charles Gibson were the hosts. It is something I can still see, fresh in my mind, as it is something she did every week day for as long as I can remember.

Dealing with Deep Grief

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

Losing someone you love can cut into your heart so viciously it forever redefines who you are and how you think. It’s what I call deep grief.

It strains against everything you’ve ever believed. So much so, you wonder how the promises that seemed so real on those thin Bible pages yesterday could possibly stand up under the weight of this enormous sadness today.

I once stood at the side of a casket too small to accept. Pink roses draped everywhere. And I watched my mom as she lay across the casket refusing to let go. How could she let go? Part of her heart lay within, so quiet and so still.

I stood paralyzed and stunned. Just days ago we were laughing and doing everyday things and assuming that all of our lives stretched before us in spans of many, many years. And then suddenly … it all stopped.

In the flurry of funeral plans and memorial services we all operated on automatic. People were everywhere. Soft chatter filled in the gaps that our stunned silence could not. And people brought in enough food to feed the whole neighborhood.

But eventually people went back to their own lives. The soft chatter dissipated. The food stopped coming. And we were forced to carry on. Only we had deep grief wrapped about us that made our throats feel strangled and our feet stuck in mud.

I remember around that time when I tried to go to a drive-thru to order some food. But I couldn’t. I sat there with the speaker spouting words at me I couldn’t process. The cashier kept asking if she could take my order.

Yeah, I had an order. Take away my bloodshot eyes. Take away my desire to hurt the doctors that couldn’t save my little sister. Take away my anger toward God. And then take away my guilt for being the one who lived. I’ll take all that with no onions and extra ketchup, please.

I drove away sobbing. How dare they offer happy meals! No one should be happy today. Or tomorrow. Or next year.

This is the reality of deep grief. Even when you love God and believe in His promises. Even when you know without a doubt that some day you will see your loved one again. Even when you know hope is still there. Even when you know He is near.

It takes time.

It takes wading through an ocean of tears.

It takes finding a possession of your loved one you thought was lost and realizing God did that just to comfort you. It takes discovering one day that the sun still shines. It takes being caught off guard when you catch yourself smiling, only to realize it’s okay.

It takes prayer. It takes making the decision to stop asking for answers and start asking for perspective. It takes telling people to please not avoid saying her name — you want to hear it, over and over and over again.

Then one day you take off the blanket of deep grief. You fold it neatly and tuck it away. You no longer hate it or resist it. For underneath it, wondrous things have happened over time. Things that could only have come about when Divine Hope intersects with a broken world.

And finally you can see years stretching before you once again. You look up, blow a kiss, wipe a tear and find it’s still possible to dance.

Dear Lord, thank You for assuring me that Your promises hold true even when life seems to betray me. You are my strength and my hope. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

TRUTH FOR TODAY:
Psalm 30:11-12a, "You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent." (NLT)

Psalm 18:28, "You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." (NIV)

REFLECT AND RESPOND:
Are you deeply grieving the loss of someone or something?

Give yourself permission to mourn, cry and feel raw emotions. Bring your heartache to the Lord in prayer and allow Him to just be near in this hard time.

If you know someone deeply grieving, don’t ask, "Is there anything I can do?" Instead, be proactive and just do something to help them this week — buy groceries for them, mow their lawn, babysit their children, etc.

Originally posted on Proverbs 31 blog, you can see it by clicking here. 

Dream Visit?

Its rather frustrating. I feel like I should be more "over it" then I am. I know, I know, it's a process, but it's still frustrating. Makes me want to cry and I don't like doing that because it feels like people will think I am just using mom as a way to get attention. Or like they are thinking I should be done crying by now. It's hard.

The other day one of my facebook friends posted this on my wall. It was well meaning, but it actually hurt. I have had dreams about mom since her death and it just leaves me feeling more lost then before I had it. I feel no connection to mom since I lost her. I like to think that she is watching me, I just wish I could actually feel her.

Letter to the Motherless on Mother's day

This is from Just Jenna, a blog I stumbled upon on facebook. Touched me in a most profound way.

Today sucks, I know. It’s going to be hard. But so is every other day since you have lost your mother. There is absolutely no love in this world like the love of a mother. There is a void that cannot and will not ever be filled, no matter what anybody tells you. You don’t miss her today any more than you will tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. Today, Mother’s day, is just another painful reminder that she is no longer physically here. As you watch friends celebrate with their moms, please remember that yours is tucked away deep down in your heart where she will forever stay. As the wind blows through your hair, know that it is her gentle and loving touch. As the warmth of the sun shines on your face please remember the warmth in your mother’s heart through all of the days she had on this earth. She didn’t want to ever leave you and she still hasn’t left you. Your mother was greater than this world. I know sometimes life just doesn’t seem fair and it never will but please, please don’t cry today, for your mother would want nothing more than to see you smile. I feel the pain within your heart as another day passes by without her. She doesn’t want you to be sad. She wants you to honor her life in the best way possible, and that way is to live it. Live it for you. Live it for her. I know it is sometimes easier said than done and sometimes words just don’t help and I know this because I lost my beautiful 48-year-old mother almost two years ago when I was 24. 

I have come to find that the best way to heal is to remember. Remember her. Remember the sorrow, remember the love, remember everything. Talk to her, she’s always listening. And simply cherish the time you did have with her and the memories you have made. 

I want you to know that on this day, you are not alone. You are never alone. All of our mother’s are watching over us from heaven this Mother’s Day… and every day, for the rest of our lives.

Thank you Jenna for your raw honesty. 

Posts Facebook for Mother's Day

I will be celebrating my first mother's day without my mom here. One thing I want to do is remember what an amazing woman she was. Can each of my friends and family do me a favor? Send me a message, or comment on this post with a memory of Lynn. I would love any kind. Funny stories, sweet stories, anything. I just want to put them all together and use them to share with my girls. If you don't want your name shared, let me know. I am planning to post them on Blogging through my grief.

Taking me in as one of her own, I will always be extremely grateful for what she did, she is forever in my heart! ♡♡ - Melody Holloway-james

Your mom had a beautiful spirit about her! She was fun to talk to - Laura Sullivan

oh my,, I have a 1001 things and more I can say about your Mom ,my Lynnie,, we been best friend for 43 years. but the best thing I can say is that her family was her pride and joy. She loved them,{you all} beyond any thing in this world. She was amazing in so many ways.It would be hard to say JUST one thing about her. I love her and miss her each and every day.love to you all - Sandra Williams

Lynn and I were new close friends working on about 7 months, and knowing her since children, and I had started coming to Salvation Army when we located to Albany, and such a precious quiet friendship one at that. Especially knowing our children were showing signs of togetherness, and we had spoke of God our savior in much detail for my understanding of the many why's of the unspokens in life....We laughed mostly for smiles to overcame the tears, and I so miss her as so many do, for there were not enough time spent here to continue to adore her in so many ways, always amazed by the many gracious things she had done for others with such a beautiful heart. I can only continue to love her as she with the many angels, and our savior at her side smiling, looking over her loving family, and friends reassuring us of her continual love.......love you always..... - Eve Jordan

She was pretty much a second mom. Its gonna be hard not being able to introduce Raelyn to her. I miss Lynn Marie Spalinger Schalliglike crazy!! - Kimberly Trask

My wonderful friend, never judged me, scolded me when I needed it but always, always, always loved me for who I am. I miss her so much. I really missed her this last weekend at our tops convention. It would have been so much more fun with my partner in mischeviousness. Love to all of you. - Robin McConnell

Mom,

I always used to think you were too nice. You would let everyone walk all over you. I hated it. Vowed that I would never be that person. Don't get me wrong, I love that you cared, I just hated to see you hurt, all the time by people who were supposed to love you. Now I find myself in a very similar situation. I care too much about others. About what they think of me. I wish I could find a way to give myself a "harder shell" that tough exterior. But I don't know that I can. Pretty sure I was born to be this kind of person. You can only hide who you are for so long. The honest truth, I do care what people think of me. Probably a little too much. Had a situation today with a person who hasn't been a part of my life for years. Instead of just brushing it off like I should have, I took it very personally. Too personally. I allowed that person, who didn't care in the slightest about me, to get under my skin. To hurt me, the same way people hurt you. While I hate that this is happening, I love that I am just like you. Praying that I grow up to be half the woman you were. You were such an amazing woman, an amazing mother. Not having you here sucks big time. Today it's been like a physical ache.

I love you mommy.

Birthday Wishes to Facebook

Happy birthday Lynn.
I miss you to the moon and back.
Not a day passes where you are not on my mind.
We love you so much. - Kendra Trask

Happy Birthday.. We are all missing you so much! You are gone far to soon! But you will never be forgotten! You are an amazing lady who did amazing things for people no matter what the situation. You had a heart bigger than your house or your wallet but you were always welcoming new people into your home or helping them out in any way possible. Your kindness and love are truly missed every day! I love an miss you!! - Crystal Trask

Happy Birthday in Heaven. We all miss you. - Heather Taylor

I so miss you, wish you were here. - Kathy Peterson Marsh Baker

Thinking of you today... Wearing red in your honor.... You are loved and missed.. - Melisa Carlisle

♡ happy birthday in heaven miss you. - Melody Holloway James
Happy birthday in heaven. Miss you. - Kathy Folkerts

Happy birthday Lynn!!! I will have flowers for you in my profile pic today and will be wearing red!! ♡♡♡♡ have a good day dancing in heaven! - Kaylee Orlikwoski

We all miss you being here with us but we know you're in a better place. - ‎Diana Morrell Trimmer

Happy birthday in heaven you sweet women! You are missed - Shauna Winters
‎
miss you,Lynnie,happy birthday - Sandra Williams‎

"Many happy returns of the day of your birth, may sunshine and gladness be given. And may the dear Father prepare you on earth for a beautiful birthday in Heaven." We said it a hundred times growing up, and now you are celebrating your first birthday in Heaven. I hope it's an amazing one. Know that you are loved and missed. Until we meet again mommy, Happy Birthday! - Me
Heather Taylor Well said Betsy. Still hard to believe she's gone...

We all miss you so much. Hope you are having a wonderful birthday in heaven. Love you!!! - Kimberly Trask

Happy birthday Angel! Bless us this day and always. You left us too soon, but never too soon forgotten. Love you always! — celebrating your birthday. - Lindsey Peterson

Nancy Dionne

In honor of Lynn Marie Spalinger Schallig birthday !! I have changed my profile picture to a spring flower as Betsy Smith has asked us too!! I Know she would love all these beautiful flowers! Love and miss her very much!! - Tabi Corbett


On Monday a sweet friend asked that we (her friends) change our profile pictures to flowers in remembrance of her mom, who died unexpectedly in Sept. 2014. Today, Wednesday, 3/25/15, would have been her 55th birthday. Lynn Marie Spalinger Schallig gave the best hugs and had the biggest heart. She would give you the shirt off her back, and the back too, if you needed it. - Brooke Christiansen

A Birthday Request

When I requested that friends update their profile picture to a flower for mom's birthday, the response was overwhelming. 34 Likes, 10 comments and the messages below:

I learned a tough lesson years ago... I knew this lady who worked at the library here. She had a heart defect. Knowing she might have an unexpected end to her life at any time, she chose to celebrate her birthday every year with as much fanfare as possible. She worked in the kids dept. so that made it better. I never liked to celebrate my birthday, and viewed it as one year closer to old age. When I learned about her heart issue it really made me change my view. Now I look forward to my birthday every year. When I worked with my kindergarten class I made a whole day of it, cupcakes included! When she died, as expected, unexpectedly. It really made me take stock of my life. We need to live life to its fullest. Regardless of how short/long it may be. I promise the first year of your mom being gone will be hard. But I know every step you take each day will make her proud! Love you girl! - Ginny Storey-Mosley

she has been on my mind sooo much,, I miss her to much for words,, ,, Lynnie,, you were my best friend for 43 wonderful years , We did alot to gether , I just wish we had more time to do all things things we planned to do,, but dont you worry my sweet girl,, we will have all the time in the world when we met in heaven,, I love you ,Lynn,,,,, - Auntie Sandy

I had a dream about her the other night and it was kind of weird. She was at our TOPS meeting and she was beautiful and very slim. She has always been beautiful to me and I am pretty sure she was letting me know that she was ok. It gave me some inspiration to get back on my program and lose this weight. I miss her so very much. Its hard to lose a friend of 20 plus years. I love you my sweet and wonderful friend. I hope your beautiful birthday in heaven was indeed that, beautiful! - Robin McConnell 

Broken but still special

On a stretch of sand extending nine miles ahead of us lay hundreds of thousands of shells. Shells of all shapes and sizes littered the shoreline for as far as the eye could see. Our family strolled along the beach with the family dog in tow. I reached down to pick up a palm sized orange shell to add to my daughter's collection. I showed my three year old and said 'isn't it beautiful?' Her immediate innocent reply was "it's broken". "It's still special" I said. As those words left my mouth I felt like God said to me 'you may be broken but you're beautiful, and I love you.'

For some time prior to this I had experienced brokenness. During that season of my life I was convinced that God was the one doing the breaking and the single word 'broken' became the theme of my life. Looking back, I am not sure God ordained it. What I am sure of is that circumstances forced me to become immensely aware of just how much I needed God. I discovered, with great difficulty, that self reliance had reached its limits.

James C. Wilhoit says that, "To be broken means we recognize we are personally powerless to manage our life in a way that will bring the kind of pleasure we most deeply long for. To be broken is recognizing that we face problems we cannot overcome by willpower alone." Like the rich young ruler who encountered Jesus, I was confronted with a choice- give up something to gain the kingdom of God or continue as I was.

In Matthew 16:24-25 Jesus told his disciples, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it." Brokenness was my catalyst for change and the revelation through which I came to realize that I needed to deny myself in order to give my undivided attention and affection to God. There is promise and hope in brokenness. What I found as I came through this journey of self denial, as promised by Jesus, was that I found life. And Jesus promises life in abundance.

Jerry Sittser has said "Brokenness forces us to find a source of love outside of ourselves. That source is God." Some of us may feel like we've been washed up during rough conditions or dragged in with the tide. We may feel as though we have been pounded time and again by the relentlessness of life's challenges. We may feel that we're only a fragment of what we once were. Maybe people, situations and life events have gotten the best of us and piece by piece we feel we're a shell of the person we used to be. Perhaps there is an element of loneliness, despite being surrounded by a sea of people. Washed up. Fragile. Beaten. Broken. Those are heartbreaking, heavy words to write let alone feel. So maybe, just maybe, these are the words you need to hear from God as you read this; "you may be broken but you're beautiful and I love you."

Broken Shell Crafts

Facebook Memories

Friends on Facebook with Lynn Marie Spalinger Schallig for 6 Years

Betsy Hart and Lynn Marie Spalinger Schallig

See Friendship

Mommy, I miss you so much!

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Kim Pepin, Kathleen Miller, Teresa Mosley and 18 others like this.

Comments

Sandra Williams love you Betsy,missing her too,so much!!!!!

March 2 at 8:30am · Unlike · 2

Sara Struminski · 2 mutual friends

She was such an amazing person and opened her home and heart to anyone and every one. I remember going there just to chat and visit for a few cause she always knew the right thing to say. I should have done it more... hope you and your family are doing well. Tell colleen I say hello

March 2 at 8:31am · Unlike · 2

Robin McConnell I know you were her best friend for so long Sandie, and she spoke of you fondly so often. I too am missing her in the worst way. I loved her so much as a sister and best friend. I feel like there is a hole in my heart and I'm afraid to be close to anyone again. It hurts too much to lose them.

When My Mind Says "You Failed"

I got this wonderful devotional in my email and it spoke to me. I felt the need to save it. Even though my grief is not a failure, it still applies. I even made a couple things bold because they are ones I really need to remember.

by: LYNN COWELL, Proverbs 31 Ministries

"My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises." Psalm 57:7 (NLT)

Fail. It’s a word I’ve heard my kids use when something goes wrong. Just plain "fail."

It’s a word I know as well. Failure is what I felt when I’d done all I knew to do to make a large project successful. Yet, according to my measurement, I had fallen very short. All I could think was, You failed.

I found my mind swirling, trying to process what happened. Confused, I wondered, God, why didn’t You help me? The project was for Him, after all. You would think He would have stepped up and helped me, at least in the way I was looking for help.

What did I do wrong?

Maybe I’m just not cut out for this?

My confidence was gone.

Can you recall a time when you thought you were doing what God wanted you to do, yet it didn’t turn out how you anticipated? Was your confidence shaken, not just in yourself, but in God?

Friend, you are not alone. It’s so easy to lose our confidence when things aren’t going well.

In today’s key verse, David speaks of confidence: "My heart is confident in you, O God."

Reading these words, we might assume David wrote them when his life was going well, possibly moments away from marrying the king’s daughter and living happily ever after.

His reality, in fact, was far from happy. As David penned these words, he was literally running from a mad man (King Saul) who not only wanted to kill him, but also had the power to do so. {You can read 1 Samuel, chapters 19-22, for more of this story.}

When David wrote these words found in Psalm 57:7, "My heart is confident in you, O God; my heart is confident. No wonder I can sing your praises" – words filled with faith and hope – he was hiding in a cave. Not alone, but with 400 guys who were also running from trouble, in debt or just plain discontented with life as they knew it.

Here, in this awful situation, David reaffirmed his security hadn’t changed even if his circumstances did. His confidence was still built on God.

According to my study Bible, the word "confident" in the original Hebrew means: "set in place, make secure, to be made ready, be attached."

I love this last definition: "be attached." My mind pictures a new bride, attached to someone who cares deeply about her, with her face glowing. Her relationship brings her confidence.

David’s relationship brought him confidence as well. Despite his horrific circumstances, David experienced security and contentment because he knew God was with him even in those circumstances.

God can make us brave whether our lives are coming together or falling apart. We can have a heart and mind that is set in place, secure and attached, even when our circumstances seem to say, "You failed."

I want to be like David. Confidence attached to God. Unshaken by any situation or circumstances. Unable to hold back His praises.

Dear Jesus, the way You define failure and the way we define failure is so very different. Help me see when my circumstances are a set-up, an opportunity to build my confidence in You. Always and only in You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

TRUTH FOR TODAY:
Hebrews 10:35, "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded." (NIV)

Philippians 4:12, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (NIV)

Ephesians 3:12, "In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence." (NIV)


RELATED RESOURCES:

Do you know a young woman who needs to learn to build her confidence on God instead of cues from culture? If so, Magnetic: Becoming the Girl He Wants, by Lynn Cowell, empowers young women to move beyond negative thoughts, capricious emotions and others’ opinions to gain unshakeable confidence.

Visit Lynn’s blog today for 10 Verses For Building Unshakeable Confidence. She is also giving away a Confidence Combo — a set of resources to help you build your confidence on God.


REFLECT AND RESPOND:

Think of the last time something in your life didn’t go as planned and you felt like you’d failed. How did you respond? Were you able to press into God or did you struggle in self-defeat?

Write out Hebrews 10:35 and place it where you experience the greatest struggle with your confidence: the scale, your desk, your calendar. Read this verse out loud, allowing God’s Word to fill your heart with His confidence in this area of your life.