My Story


My mom and I have always been close, always had a special relationship. On September 2 I got a call that forever changed my life. My mom had collapsed at church and was being taken via ambulance to the hospital. A few hours later I got another call, this time my best friend telling me how serious things were. Within three hours my coworkers had me on a plane (at zero cost to me!) and by 6 pm that night I was at my mom's side.

After three days in the ICU it was determined that because of how long her brain had gone without oxygen, she likely wouldn't wake up. On September 5th we made the most difficult decision to let her go peacefully. It was something she had talked about so we were sure it was what she would have wanted us to do.

My wonderful mother passed peacefully on September 6 at 6:10 am. She is already missed so much.

This blog is my journey through the grieving process. Hopefully that will keep my regular daily blog a little less depressing.

On this blog I will share some of my daily grief emails and also songs, poems and pictures that touch my heart. Hopefully this will help someone, but if nothing else, it helps me.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Mom,

I always used to think you were too nice. You would let everyone walk all over you. I hated it. Vowed that I would never be that person. Don't get me wrong, I love that you cared, I just hated to see you hurt, all the time by people who were supposed to love you. Now I find myself in a very similar situation. I care too much about others. About what they think of me. I wish I could find a way to give myself a "harder shell" that tough exterior. But I don't know that I can. Pretty sure I was born to be this kind of person. You can only hide who you are for so long. The honest truth, I do care what people think of me. Probably a little too much. Had a situation today with a person who hasn't been a part of my life for years. Instead of just brushing it off like I should have, I took it very personally. Too personally. I allowed that person, who didn't care in the slightest about me, to get under my skin. To hurt me, the same way people hurt you. While I hate that this is happening, I love that I am just like you. Praying that I grow up to be half the woman you were. You were such an amazing woman, an amazing mother. Not having you here sucks big time. Today it's been like a physical ache.

I love you mommy.
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